Hey! Nice Hat!

What does Godzilla’s mom make for his birthday dinner?

Atomic cake!!!

( And here is a recipe in case you want to make it yourself!  Made famous in Chicago)

1 layer banana or yellow cake 1 layer chocolate cake

1 layer white cake Fresh bananas, sliced

1 small box Jell-O Banana Pudding

Fresh strawberries,

sliced 1 small box Jell-O Chocolate Pudding

1 small box Jell-O Vanilla Pudding Whipped cream

Place your  banana cake layer on a cake plate.

Top with sliced bananas;  Smear banana pudding over that.
Center the chocolate cake layer on top. Top with sliced strawberries, then plaster that chocolate pudding on top.
Place the white cake layer over that. Add a layer of vanilla pudding.
Frost top and sides of cake with massive amounts of whipped cream.

Chill and serve in your bikini.  Best when eaten soon after baking.

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Dear Sisyphus: Today’s Craziness!

Dear Sisyphus,

There is no me.  That was just Buddha and Krishna messing with the cosmic vibrations again and having some fun at your expense.  Let go of it already.

Love,

God

PS. . .this post is in no way intended to poke fun at anything except myself.

So you can cancel the doomsday PR toot sweet.  (Damnit Man! I never could spell in French.)

PSPS Love you more.  xoxo

Tess F’s Most Excellent Film Scenes and Ones to Watch a Hundred Times and Catch all the Metaphor and Splendorousness

The genius of Wes Anderson. . .nobody tops this kind of sophisticated craziness if you ask me.  Layers and layers to watch and learn from. . .

be on the lookout for  rhinestone bluefin and one-eyed research turtles!  🙂

The Life Aquatic Studio Sessions

The Life Aquatic Studio Sessions (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Who’s Sorry Now: A Godzilla Apology

So what to do when you’ve had a huge fight with your bestie in forever

and the thing has snowballed to the size of Argentina in a heatwave. ..

and you have been ridiculous and he has been insensitive. . .

and  hammered at each other to the point of senselessness. ..

each too stubborn to give an inch, but especially HIM?

You take it to the mattresses for a godzilla apology!

Listen, you reptilain toad fart! So I don’t have to say this again:

I am sorry for being such a three-headed she-beast..

Now stop brooding about and give me a hug, please.  You know you miss me already and the feeling is mutual.

What do you say we go a couple more rounds in imaginary Japan?

xoxo  Kisses and Hugs from your bestie who can’t imagine a minute of madnees without you.

Tess F’s Most Excellent List of Superheroes Who Do Not Exist, But You Really Wish They Did

Wonder Woman

Wonder Woman (Photo credit: Looking Glass)

(Note to parents: This post contains openthroated gut spiattering emo stuff nobody wants to let themselves see let alone the kids looking over their shoulders.  You might want to close your eyes for this one)

OK so it will probably take awhile for me to come up with more of an actual list here, but I just really needed to get this off my chest and say that I am tired of doing everybody else’s job instead of mine right now,

and that is being a  hideous sycophant to the point of no return, free to roam the earth and lick the shoes of mean people everywhere:

Ahem. So here is number one and if you want more, you will just have to invent them yourself because I am spent from trying to digest most copious amounts of wax and lacquer:

Tess F’s Excellent List of Superheroes Who Don’t Exist, But You Really Wish They Did

And the Reasons Why We Need Em:

1.Tess F’s Most Excellent and Much Needed Frankenterminator and How!!!

Reason A: We need somebody to ice that guy Frank because he never has anything productive to add to the conversation.

Reason B: There is no reason B.  Reason A is reason enough.:) ibid et al see the reason below:

“Madam, may I please be be Frank?”

“Don’t call me Madam.  I am not the kind of a girl.”

“Mademoiselle, please.  I simply must be frank.”

“Ummm, well hmm. ..Mademoiselle is much Frencher and I like French, but tell me this first please: what happens to YOU when Frank takes over?.”

“Well, you might not like what I am about to say, but alas I feel I must be. . .”

The League of Frightened Men (1937 film)

Image via Wikipedia

“Oh, whoa. Dear me.  Somebody please save me from the awfulness of truth!”

Dun Da Da Presto!  Enter Frankenterminator

“FrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrtttTTTTTTTTT

fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffrittitittatfirtitittatffffffffffffffffffffffffit.

I’ll be back!

There.  Aren’t you glad I invented him?  Now you can be an idiot all you want and nobody will be the wiser.  :But especially you.

OK.  My job is over for today.  Now it’s your turn.

Letting go of heartbreak songs

In matters of self-education and scholarly pursuit, I can be honest and say for the most part, there has always been motivation enough to make me wise and willing to learn.  In matters of the heart however, I have been remiss with myself and sorry.  And, in looking back all I can say is: Man am I a sap and a moron.

I almost never listen to mainstream pop or country so this song is new to me. ..and it’s coming at a time when I could use a reminder of what really happens after having let yourself be stupid to the point of laying face up on the floor like a golden retriever: here ya go, trample my guts and eat my heart out.

And sad songs are OK when you want to cry, but if you want to get angry and get over it so you can get on with it. ..I think Reba says it best.

Watch this one.  Even if you have to click the link and wait for the advertising.  It will be worth it!

Poetry for the Math-ez . . .Computers, Science Majors, Amazing Gracie and the Big Bang Theory Too!

(title to be read in the voice of daffy duck)

Recently in the English 101 Class I cUrrently teech, I came across one of my favorite challenges so far this year.  You see it’s poetry week there and I have decided to write this blog in the interest of education as the process will serve 2 purposes:

one as a place to store material for teaching poetry to computer techs in the class

(peephole who by virtue of an oppressive no child left behind except for poets education. .  .have been so sadly and desperately deprived of the critical thinking beauty in poems!)

2.   second as a place to show my students what a bad first drafter I can be)

aND writing these thingis on the spur of the moment.  AS such, I will reZIst any and all urges to write another draft before I push that there publish button to the right of my screen.  So here it is.

FIRST I think I will share this sweet little gem from youtube, that is sure to please the nerd person in your life. ..so don’t worry

here I have gotcha covered on Valentine’s Day!

[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZmZaIhzMmCA]

and here is a math word that has been used by poet friends, but to me, it’s a bit confusing.  Something to do with numbers and counting stuff, which I never could master at:

fibonacci

edit: I am adding this one from another student, the girl who recommended my class to him:

this one is solid and tight and cosmic, kids so SO DO NOT SKIP IT!

Now that you have seen the appetizer, here is a salad:

more inane babbling from me about how amazing those both were and then

the big bang guy love:

and some of this action perhaps:

a dinner poem from this awesome computer creative writing for techies website:

http://www.dennydavis.net/poemfiles/cppoem.htm

from Denny Davis, the blog’s author:

If Dr. Seuss were a Technical Writer

Here’s an easy game to play. Here’s an easy thing to say.

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort. And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report!

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, And the double­clicking icon puts your window in the trash, And your data is corrupted ’cause the index doesn’t hash. Then your situation’s hopeless and your system’s gonna crash!

You can’t say this? What a shame, sir! We’ll find you another game, sir!

If the label on the cable on the table at your house Says the network is connected to the button on the mouse, But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol, That’s repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall, And your screen is all distorted by the side affects of Gauss, So your icons in the windows are as wavy as a souse, Then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang, ‘Cause as sure as I’m a poet, the sucker’s gonna hang!

When the copy of your floppy’s getting sloppy on the disk, And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary RISC. Then you have to flash your memory and you’ll want to RAM your ROM. Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your mom!


The Tao of error haiku

(Johne Cook) (Error messages as they might appear if Bill Gates were Japanese)

A file that big? It might be very useful. But now it is gone.You seek a Web site. It cannot be located. Countless more exist.Chaos reigns within. Reflect, repent, and reboot. Order shall return.Yesterday it worked Today it is not working Windows is like that.First snow, then silence. This thousand dollar screen dies So beautifully.With searching comes loss. The presence of absence. “June Sales.doc” not found.The Tao that is seen Is not the true Tao Until you bring fresh toner.Windows NT crashed.I am The Blue Screen of Death.No one hears your screams.Stay the patient course.Of little worth is your ire.The network is down.

A crash reduces

Your expensive computer

To a simple stone.

*************

Three things are certain:

Death, taxes, and lost data.

Guess which has occurred.

You step in the stream But the water has moved on. Page not found.Out of memory. We wish to hold the whole sky, But we never will.Having been erased, The document you are seeking Must now be retyped.Serious error. All shortcuts have disappeared. Screen. Mind. Both are blank.Seeing my great fault Through darkening blue windows I begin again.Printer not ready Could be a fatal error. Have a pen handy?Errors have occurred We won’t tell you where or why. Lazy programmers.Login incorrect. Only perfect spellers may enter this system.This site have been moved We’d tell you where, but then we’d have to delete you.To have no errors Would be life without meaning No struggle, no joy.There is a chasm of carbon and silicon the software can’t bridge.

Cheap Spell-Checker

Eye halve a spelling chequer

and then I believe it is time to say goodnight, gracie (with a blooper too which will drive the first draft point right on home. .. and a wish from me to have an extra fabulousness day in the morning too.  xoxo:

oh and by the way, i tooootally covered my plagiriasm bases already by saying this is only to be used for education and entertainment purposes.  No poets were harmed by getting paid in the process.  🙂

Thank you for your help, Deidre B.!  🙂

Our Art is All Made of Stars: On Finding a Twin Spirit on the Tumblr

Today right off the bat, as I opened the dashboard on my tumblr account, smack!  this image hits me right between the eyes.  Seriously!  Like pow right in the kisser and then some!

Really engaging you know. . .understated. ..movie star glamour, movie star glamour ..and beautiful and minimalist yet oddly sort of disturbingly like a few of the works from my own portfolio. ..online portfolio, also mind you. ..except you know minimalist!

Minimalist and kickass!

(which if I had a lick of sense I would learn to do myself instead of so many feathers and flourishes all the time. ..alas poor Yorick I knew he used too much mascara.)

English: Portrait of Sarah Bernhardt as Hamlet.

Image via Wikipedia

But back to my initial rant.  About the work that wasn’t mine. . .

I know! Yipes, right?  My ideas are still mine and nobody else can borrow.

Just look adoringly and you know longingly. . .with much respect and appreciation for the genius that isn’t me.

Bimbo Breads Logo

Image via Wikipedia

me thinking I had been so original with that star man stuff. . .first using a small school of fish to represent he form of an intangible man, young girl embracing it as if. ..well  you know, aria and chrysanthemums everywhere. ..

--Tess Farnham "Ophelia and the School of Fish," 9x12 collage

Tess Farnham, mixed media, 9x12

So of course the minimalist version of either of those would just be this:

English: A catwalk for the gutter.

Image via Wikipedia

A piece that is called ironically enough, “Catwalk for the Gutter.”

So anyway, sadness sets in when I see this  Tumblr collage image that depicts, sigh,  a bombshell from the fifties (silky locks, slinky evening gown.) .locked in an embrace with a silhouette of stars, I think to myself:

Hey!  Wait a minute!  I save stars!  I mean books and books of stars in my life here!

Nebulas, and galaxies and Chevy Novas!

And damn, I wanted that woman embracing a silouhette of star-like stuff to just be mine.

But then I remembered something. . .kind of in the back of my head. . .

"The moonlit knight" Genesis, Massey...

Image via Wikipedia

Sledgehammer video.  Peter Gabriel.  Circa something the eighties. . .

Guy made of stars. . .remember that, sort of this big hulking dude all made of stars.

at any rate, whatever you do, do not let yourself be tempted to google images using these keywords “Sledgehammer star man.”  All you get is a screen full of porn!

And then you know there’s Moby.  As in the opposite of minimalist concrete art. ..and this song, which is pretty great too.  So I guess, it wasn’t my idea anyway. . . not anybody’s really.  Just part of the fabric of you and me all woven together like a sweater. . .made of yeah, you guessed it:

And Now for Something Completely Strange! Poetry in Motion Clips. . .Tom Waits’ Smuggler’s Waltz and Ginsberg Can Dance!

Poetry in Motion   --Ron Mann, 1982

Anytime I want to light a funny fire under my creative writing students, I just bring this video to class.  It has everything:

comedy,

(this is long, I know, but insanely worth it for the last line and the story. ..and you won’t forget it. ..EVER)

drama,

tragedy. . .

Seriously, I love this clip. . .even if it is kind of the pinnacle of silliness.  Ginsberg is amazing!

and Micheal Ondaatje, the author of “The English Patient

. . .like a. . .desert romance. . .only ten degrees hotter. ..

and this is just complete insanity, but worth the ride. Enjoy ! :

(OK, that’s all I have for today.  If you are a girl, I HIGHLY recommend a second viewing of Ondaatje, just for the fantasy factor!)

Ten Best Lines from Comedy Films: “These go to Eleven.”

WARNING! WARNING! WARNING!   People who don’t like socialism be advised and enter at your own risk.  There are a lot of Marxist ideas in here and I don’t want anybody getting injured from laughing at how crazy it is to live in America without them!

OK seriously, this is just a random assortment of lines and segments from films that I like so please don’t throw shoes if you’re disappointed with the writer for not spending more time on research, reason, or numbers.

Besides the only person who gets permanently hurt when someone throws shoes is George Bush, and sadly he can’t leave the country just now because he is wanted in sixteen states for torture.

( And by states, I mean mental states. Mine. And by torture, I mean the the horse’s mouth: . . .”And so during these holiday seasons, we thank our blessings.”)

But take my word for it; you don’t want to go there. Not even on a sunny day.

Please also note that the quote from “Best in Show” is at the top of this list because I liked the irony of having a slutty waitress from”Best in Show” in first place.

To begin, I thought I would start with  this one I found as I was editing, post-publication, just because squinting to remember that scene from Fargo will be a good exercise for when you have to try and figure out why I chose these quotes:

“For what? For a little bit of money. There’s more to life than a little money, you know. Don’tchya know that? And here ya are, and it’s a beautiful day. Well, I just don’t understand it.” —Marge Gunderson

10. (this one is a series of lines. ..I just didn’t know where to stop cutting and pasting.)

From Stepbrothers (Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly):

Dale Doback: You yelled “rape” at the top of your lungs.

Brennan Huff: Mom, I honestly thought I was gonna be raped for a second. He had the craziest look in his eyes. And at one point he said, “Lets get it on.”

Doback: That was about the fighting. I am so not a raper!

Brennan Huff: Look, I didn’t touch your drum set, okay?

Dale Doback: I witnessed with my eyes your testicles touching my drum set.

I am not sure what Brennan says back, but you can bet it has nothing to do with helping you figure out how George Bush ever slithered into this conversation!

9. From “A Day at the Races” (with Groucho Marx):

Random Stranger:  Are you a man or a mouse?

Groucho: Put a piece of cheese on the floor and you’ll find out.

8.  From “Monty Python and the Search for the Holy Grail” (with John Cleese):

I blow my nose achoo, English peegdog.  Your muhzzair was a hamstair and your fahzzair smelled of eldairberries.

Castle Stalker - 03

Image by leguan001 via Flickr

7. From Groucho Marx:

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

(not sure what film that’s from, or if it is even from a film. . .but still it’s a good one. If you didn’t get it the first time, just close your eyes and think of what happens to a banana on the windowsill all summer.  Did you see how the banana grew some wings and then went sailing to the moon?  If you did, then you have a MUCh better imagination than I do.  Close but no Tiparillo.  Try again and don’t go all the way to outer space this time.  )

7. From “A Night at the Opera“:

Groucho: “Get outta here before I get arrested.”
Chico: “Nah I’d like to stay and see that.”

The stateroom scene. Groucho says, "Is it...

Image via Wikipedia

6. From “Better Off Dead” (with John Cusack):

[Lane (Cusack) waves to two tree trimmers from the cargo hold of a garbage truck]

Tree Trimmer: [to fellow tree trimmer] Now that’s a real shame when folks be throwin’ away a perfectly good white boy like that.

5. From “Better Off Dead” (with John Cusack):

Lane Myer: [indicating to Mrs. Smith’s accident] Gee, I’m really sorry your mom blew up, Ricky, guess she won’t be able to eat any spicy foods for awhile

The contract scene between Chico and Groucho

Image via Wikipedia

4. From “Raising Arizona” with Holly Hunter (Ed) and Nicholas Cage (H.I.):

H.I.: Wake up, Son. [aims gun at the clerk]

H.I.: I’ll be taking these Huggies and whatever cash ya got.

Ed McDonnough: [sees H.I. from the car] That son’ bitch. That son of a bitch! You son of a bitch!

H.I.: Better hurry it up, I’m in dutch with the wife.

Raising Arizona

Raising Arizona

Raising Arizona (Image via RottenTomatoes.com)

3.  From “Fargo” ( ):

Marge Gunderson: Say, Lou, didya hear the one about the guy who couldn’t afford personalized plates, so he went and changed his name to J3L2404?

Lou: Yah, that’s a good one.

2.  From “A Night at the Opera”(Groucho Marx):

This one has a Christmas theme!

Groucho Marx: Well, I don’t know, you must have been out on a tail last night. But anyhow, we’re all set now, are we? Now just you put your name right down there, then the deal is legal.
Chico Marx: I forgot to tell you, I can’t write.
Groucho Marx: Well that’s all right, there’s no ink in the pen anyhow. But listen, it’s a contract isn’t it? We’ve got a contract, no matter how small it is.
Chico Marx: Oh sure. You bet. Hey wait, wait. What does this say here, this thing here?
Groucho Marx: Oh that? Oh that’s the usual clause, that’s in every contract. That just says, it says, ‘If any of the parties participating in this contract are shown not to be in their right mind, the entire agreement is automatically nullified.’
Chico Marx: Well, I don’t know.
Groucho Marx: It’s all right, that’s in every contract. That’s what they call a sanity clause.
Chico Marx: You can’t fool me, there ain’t no sanity clause.

1. (with Catherine O’Hara)

Malcolm: I’ve banged a lot of waitresses in my day, but you, you, you were the best.

Cookie Fleck: You don’t forget the best.

–Best in Show

English: Groucho Marx & Eve Arden in At the Ci...

Image via Wikipedia